Kia Ora Hazel, My name is Julia and I am a year 8 student at Yaldhurst Model School.
I really enjoyed reading this because it made so much sense once you explained it to me. That ways that you changed things from show not tell was excellent.
You can tell you worked very hard. What was your favourite part about this? One thing you could improve on is proof - reading.
Hello Hazel, I'm a year 7 student from Yaldhurst Model School. I really enjoyed this post , this is one of my favourite writings I have seen in a blog post.
I could definitely see an image of then you would talking about the winter. One thing you can fix or do next time, you could poof read or take some errors.
I was thinking of a forest filled with snow and its falling on your eyelashes and your frozen fingertips.
what was your favourite part? You did a great job for telling the how to show not tell and I could see and it wasn't just telling me I could see what you were talking about.
Some of these sentences were amazing. My favorite was Something Tear apart inside me making my heart beat so fast. My hands folded into a fist. Feeling like to be in rage. I think that your one amazing writer and I hope you continue writing fo people like me to read you amazing work because this did give me an amazing image in my head and I think that as your writing skills improve even more you writing will be book level ready.
I Remember doing something like this before in my learning journey. It was called the ice palace, we took time writing small sentences and improving them so they could be the best of the best just like yours. we also based them of the book call Ice palace ( shocker right ) and I really enjoyed doing that because I wasn't rushing with my sentences or small paragraphs and everything was just how I liked.
I still think that there is very very little that you can improve on because I think that the comment you have written is super super amazing but there is always room for improvement to create the world's best senintices. I think that one thing to improve on is to try and prof read so you're sure that you final copy is perfect and so all of your sentences make complete sense.
How long did this take for you to make?
I hope you continue writing amazing things like this and I also hope you continue sharing them for people like me that are always excited to read and help improve people's amazing work.
3 comments:
Kia Ora Hazel, My name is Julia and I am a year 8 student at Yaldhurst Model School.
I really enjoyed reading this because it made so much sense once you explained it to me. That ways that you changed things from show not tell was excellent.
You can tell you worked very hard. What was your favourite part about this? One thing you could improve on is proof - reading.
Kind Regards
Julia
Yaldhurst Model School
Hello Hazel,
I'm a year 7 student from Yaldhurst Model School.
I really enjoyed this post , this is one of my favourite writings I have seen in a blog post.
I could definitely see an image of then you would talking about the winter.
One thing you can fix or do next time, you could poof read or take some errors.
I was thinking of a forest filled with snow and its falling on your eyelashes and your frozen fingertips.
what was your favourite part?
You did a great job for telling the how to show not tell and I could see and it wasn't just telling me I could see what you were talking about.
How long did it take you to do this
Kind regards
Grace ,
WOW Hazel.
Some of these sentences were amazing. My favorite was Something Tear apart inside me making my heart beat so fast. My hands folded into a fist. Feeling like to be in rage. I think that your one amazing writer and I hope you continue writing fo people like me to read you amazing work because this did give me an amazing image in my head and I think that as your writing skills improve even more you writing will be book level ready.
I Remember doing something like this before in my learning journey. It was called the ice palace, we took time writing small sentences and improving them so they could be the best of the best just like yours. we also based them of the book call Ice palace ( shocker right ) and I really enjoyed doing that because I wasn't rushing with my sentences or small paragraphs and everything was just how I liked.
I still think that there is very very little that you can improve on because I think that the comment you have written is super super amazing but there is always room for improvement to create the world's best senintices. I think that one thing to improve on is to try and prof read so you're sure that you final copy is perfect and so all of your sentences make complete sense.
How long did this take for you to make?
I hope you continue writing amazing things like this and I also hope you continue sharing them for people like me that are always excited to read and help improve people's amazing work.
- Maddie.
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